Freedom

This is it. I am back. Unemployed. Happy. Uncertain on what I should do next, but fuckin' hell! I'm so happy!!!!!

Three months with the company, not learning much as the person directing the company had no direction himself.

Out of three months:-

• I've been put in projects for a brief period and taken out of it many times. Reason : unknown - boss doesn't trust me?
  
• I've been in charge but not in charge of writing management reports for landfills in Aceh. I have been told that I was spending too much time on it, some things have already been written, why am I reinventing the wheel, etc. At the same time, change A to B, C to D - YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE RESEARCH ON THIS - DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO RESEARCH SOMETHING?, who said F, verify G, the whole thing was a mess, do it in 3 days, why isn't it complete? YOU SAID IT WAS COMPLETE BUT IT'S NOT! YOU ARE NOT PERFORMING!!! Verdict : Crappy reports, haha...If I were my boss, I'd hide in a cave for ten years, never show my face to the Clients again.
  
• Day 1 - Do A; Day 2 - Do B: don't do A; Day 3 - Why didn't you do A??? "You're not performing. I don't care what I said, you have to be responsible for what you write!" Me: WTF? *walks away* Him: I don't appreciate you turning your back on me! This isn't the first time you haven't done your work. You can't pick and chose what you want to do! Me: Hell, yeah, I haven't done my work! YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DO IT U FUCKING RETARD!
  
• I've been given the runaround by some Indonesians, who say they don't have the information but in actual fact, are too darn lazy to help me out. Most of them can only handle one question at the time. You can't blame them - language is a problem both ways, communicating with them frustrates me at times. You give them a list of 10 questions to clarify, they answer 1/10. What about the rest? Do they not understand? The email threads end up being pretty long, having to ask one question at a time + clarifications + queries, etc. This takes days, sometimes weeks. Boss is furious, says I'm spending too much time, not to worry if I can't get the information (yeah right, I know that's not true). I've even tried asking the same question many times at the start of last month and got the answer a few days back. Why? Heck, I don't know why! I don't know who you have to bribe to get a river name, or a name of a village, or how many people are in it, whether they are using the groundwater, should I be the one getting this? Shouldn't the company already know this prior to their Site visits? I didn't go to the Site - what do I know! You tell me! Why should I be wasting my time getting all this when I should be writing the report. Oh wait, the report is already written by someone a long long long long long time ago. Not updated, but that's my duty, because I inherited it only to find that everything she wrote before was not current, not her fault, it was a long time ago. But the boss says don't change it. DON'T CHANGE WHAT? EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!!
  
• My boss told my colleague that I was not allowed to contact her Client because (insert stupid reason here) - suddenly, we weren't a company??? Aren't we all a team? Verdict: He needs to get his brain checked. TWICE!
  
• We worked till about 10p.m. one night to submit a tender. Us- 3 ladies, and my boss. We were scanning, checking, reviewing the documents. He was sitting there, scratching his forehead, we don't know what he was doing, he'd sigh, get up, have a cigarette, never offered to feed us, never offered to give us a ride to the train station after work, we couldn't claim for cab fare (so late - so tired - no energy to wait for the bus/train). He asked me wtf was I doing writing the amount in numbers when it should have been in words. Err...I didn't do that. But heck, I better be responsible for it. If it's a form, and it says ____(Insert name here), you don't actually have to delete the bracket. You don't! You just fill in your name. Yes, fill it in, NO, I don't have to reprint the document with the deleted bracket! When you are supposed to strike the irrelevant, it is okay to just use a fuckin' ruler and put a line across it. *yes or no...take ruler, put a line across 'no'. No, you don't have to pick on me and make me reprint the same shit again with a strike-through. You can actually, take your pen, yes, hold it, and yes, make a gentle line across, THERE YOU GO!! BRAVO! See, you too can do something useful.
  

I think there's more to this. More to why it's okay that I did not get confirmed. I didn't lose out, I learned nothing but how horrible bosses can be. He didn't like me the minute I answered back. I wasn't the only one with a problem with him - I was the only one who dared to walk away. No one can argue with him or tell him he's wrong because he is right, he's been in S'pore for 20 years, he's been doing this thing for a hundred, he knows what to do- how dare you question him!

I wish I could tell his Clients that he has no clue what he's doing. I wish they could know that he's all talk, no show.

No, you're not so high and mighty. You have a lot to learn. I may lack the 98 years of experience that you have, but I think that it would be nice that you start treating the rest of your staff like human beings. They don't enjoy working with you either. You're just an in between before something else better pops up.

I'm happy it's over.
No longer do I have to be unhappy, bitter and needy.
I don't have to complain, to cry from frustration, to be angry.
I am myself again.