eachparent.com

I have started blogging on a new website called Each Parent.  As first time parents, we relied a lot on books and information on the internet to get us through the early days of parenthood. I am sharing our experiences and personal opinions on events and products which we feel could be helpful to each parent out there.

I have never carried a koala before but I believe it would feel very much like holding my son. My left arm feels trickles of his saliva while he has etched the nails of his left hand in my collar and is holding onto my hair with his right. I take him for a walk around the house after his afternoon feed.

Ninety-one days ago, you could see my living room floor. Today, we have his Fischer Price bouncer, his Simple Dimple play gym, and as if it wasn’t cluttered enough, my husband decided to buy a huge Parklon mat to cover the rest of the floor. Armed with a damp cloth, I’m on a wipe down mission.

I would say today is a good day.

At 4:30 a.m., I wake up for his morning feed. He isn’t crying just yet. Instead, he’s cooing and laughing at the familiar characters of his mobile, at least, whatever he can make of it in the dimness of the night light.

I drag myself out of bed at 8:22 a.m. Maybe I can fall asleep after I feed him. Maybe I can start on lunch a little later. And maybe, I can put the clothes on a shorter cycle and still catch the sun. Or maybe I could be a lot less lazy and start on it after I burp him.

It’s 5:08 p.m. and I’m trying to finish this blog post. While I’m writing this, I’ve already gone through maybe four feeds, burps and diaper changes. I’ve tried to put the baby down for two naps, one successful out of the two. I’ve carried him for walks around the house, I’ve read to him, spoke to him, played with him, performed a couple of silly song-and-dance, cuddled him, propped him on my belly and even took pictures of him.

Sounds like a perfect day, doesn’t it?

What I failed to mention is that I haven’t had a conversation with an adult the entire day. Yes, it’s lonely. I wish I had a few minutes to have a chat conversation with A. If only my hands were free to reply to Z’s Whatsapp messages. I smell of spit-up. I ate my lunch in 3 stages because I had to attend to his frets. I forgot to take a sip of water after my meal because I was rushing to get to him. The dishes are piled up in the sink because he’s finally taking a nap so I am moving around the house like a mouse.

I sometimes envy working moms. But then again, the grass is always greener on the other side.

It has become a necessity in this part of the world to get help from your family to get through the first month. In fact, you can hire a complete stranger for RM3500++ to live with you for a month while you regain strength and health after the ordeal known as childbirth.

I was confident and determined that it would not be as hard as they say it would be. Of course, you speak to an elderly lady of 3 kids and she says bathing a newborn is tough, you automatically think it is tough. You speak to a new father and he says we are making a mistake and you immediately question your stance again.

The first month post-pregnancy is indeed tough for a first time mom. You can read all about it in books and have people share their experiences with you but nothing can prepare you enough for the first few days of parenthood. However, if you are like us and want to do things yourselves, don’t give up. It’s completely possible.

This was what I did:

1. Hired a cleaner to come in 3 times a week, 2-hours each, to vacuum, dust, mop, and help with laundry. Of course, on other days when she wasn’t around, I did the laundry.
2.  I got my father to cook my meals. He came over with lunch and dinner in tiffins, with a different kind of soup everyday (I love my Daddy!).
3. I made sure my husband was prepared to be hands-on and I thank my lucky stars that he helped out so much. Just because the father can’t feed the baby, he is there to help with carrying your child, putting him to sleep, the occasional diaper change, burping, making sure you rest, eat and drink, but most importantly, just being supportive and present.
4. We denied visitors. Unfortunately, the world needed to wait to meet our baby while we familiarised ourselves with our new addition.  The time and space you give yourselves allows you to learn how to do things the way you want to, set up a routine, have a few trial and error moments without being judged, and enjoy your bundle of joy.

You also need to filter what people tell you, especially superstitions or ‘pantang’. If you should not do something, find out the reason why. Accept constructive comments. I was once told I should not let my son cry. Yes, she told me I should not let my 1-month old baby cry. The reason? Cause his testicles will ascend! REALLY?!

Crazy, stupid, depressed, thinks she knows what she’s doing and pitiful were peoples’ hurtful remarks about me.

Confident, admirable, strong and independent were words I preferred. Sadly, only my sister uttered these.

They say you become a mother the minute you find out you are pregnant. We were in Bangkok when I found out we were expecting you and from that moment on I immediately monitored my every move. I slowed down the pace of my walk, I watched each step so that I wouldn’t fall, I was afraid to get a foot massage and I started heading towards the children’s department each time I walked into a mall.

My 2011 was spent nurturing you in my belly, making sure that everything was perfect. I’d get upset if the someone coughed near me, I did ample research when in doubt of eating something, I made sure my body filtered everything before it got to you. I wasn’t superstitious yet I insisted we wait till I was 3 months pregnant before we announced it. And everyone close who knew were sworn to secrecy!

When you arrived, I dug a moat around our house and summoned the dragons so no one would see you till you were ready. Till I was ready. Yes, I am a protective mother. Protective, paranoid, and not afraid to admit it. I had a great mother and I aspire to be a great one too. Your father jokes saying you were like Michael Jackson’s kid, we were hiding you from the outside world.

You are 8 weeks old on the first week of 2012. I look at you today in your crib energetically kicking your legs, stretching your arms, glancing at me when I speak to you, cooing and smiling when you watch the animals on your mobile rotate, and I can’t help but fall in love with you over and over again.

2012 is going to be an exciting year – it’s the beginning of our lives as a family.

Love,

Mommy

‘What were we doing this time last year?’
‘We were in India, love.’

I couldn’t help but think about our travels so far.

As boyfriend and girlfriend, as husband and wife. 

One luggage between the two of us, always checked-in. 
A map in one hand, my hand in the other.
Spontaneous decisions on where to go, what to eat. 

I remember each trip vividly, right up to the babymoon in Koh Samui.

I will miss it. 

Traveling is going to be a lot different now. We both agree that it’s time to start making memories with the new addition to our family. After all, good things are meant to be shared. 

That’s what they told me every time.

An avid believer in the benefits of breastfeeding, I was determined to take up the challenge.How hard can it get, I thought.

When put in play, I found out that as a first timer, it’s really not easy.

There are so many variations to what can go wrong during breastfeeding. My problem was that the baby didn’t know how to latch which caused a lot of anxiety on my end. I kept thinking, if the baby isn’t latching, he’s gotta be starving!

I must thank the nurses at Pantai Hospital’s maternity ward for being so patient and helpful with me. I buzzed many times to get them to help my infant latch-on. They were encouraging and persistent with both baby and I. I stayed on in the hospital for five days as I wanted to master as much as I could before I went home.

Despite books and literature, I wish I knew this before I started:
1. Most moms suffer from cracked nipples. It gets better in time.
2. Invest in a good breastfeeding pillow. My husband bought me My Brest Friend (hehe…funny name but it really becomes a mother’s best friend!) I wish we got it earlier as it would have saved us pain and agony! The pillow positions the baby for a good latch.
3. Have a tube of pure lanolin on standby.
4. It is okay to get some rest at the start by skipping one or two feeds and supplementing to avoid a worsening situation (and pain). in fact, you need proper rest at the early stages. Lack of sleep makes you weepy.
5. Get a good lactation consultant. Pantai Hospitals’s in-house lactation consultants who visit you at the ward were rough and lacked bedside manner. They made me depressed and angry during my stay there. In the end, I opted to only see Sister Elizabeth.
6. Have a good husband. If he doesn’t encourage and understand you, you will feel like giving up! Mine constantly supported me, which brought us all to where we are today!

At 3 weeks old, my son and I have graduated! He prefers to latch-on rather than drink out of a bottle. Our initial concerns on nipple confusion are out the window as we watch our son’s preference towards direct nursing.

When my OBGYN told us ‘your baby is now full term’, I wanted to cry. I look over at my husband and he’s smiling from cheek to cheek! We will meet him soon.

We currently go for a checkup on a weekly basis.  The baby has been developing fine so far but at our doctor’s visit yesterday, he has decided to move and is no longer effaced like the week before. I’m a little upset but I tell myself that maybe it’s safer to keep him in there just for a little while longer.

Like clockwork since the 4th month, I wake up at 5 something to use to loo. I can hear the morning prayers from the nearby mosque just before I settle to sleep again. However, for the past few days, I wake up, pee, and don’t go back to sleep till 7 or 8 a.m. I really dread this. One morning, I was so awake, I got up to cook!

For some funny reason, I’m in love with the smell of popcorn. And this week, all I want to do is eat fried chicken! What an unhealthy craving!

We have bought almost everything for the baby and made several decisions on what we would like to do or how we would parent our child. Right now, Praveen and I are just enjoying the quiet moments we have together, smiling with anticipation that our lives are about to change.

After months and months of research, I am so glad I found this postnatal care set from Tanamera. It’s a care set that incorporates some Chinese, Indian and Malay confinement practices, and since I’m doing my own confinement, this is going to be extremely necessary. It even comes with the abdominal binder!